self-help book, which you bought the last time you thought you needed help, is
set to assume a pivotal importance this month. Luckily, you bought the hard back
version which will prevent flooding in your bathroom when you shove it in hard to a hole that appears all of a sudden, as per pages 267-274.
game of touch football will have lasting repercussions on the 16th. Your version
of the game will later be renamed 'slap football' and one day is set to become
as popular as the Ultimate Fighting Championship in some countries that still allow cock fighting.
alarm clock which has been trusted for years will start to become inaccurate around
the 21st. A rare celestial conjugation between Mercury and Uranus (technically
known as a Myanus) will add two hours to your alarm clock waking time and the sleep
timer could double in duration for each press. Luckily your boss is the same star
sign as you and your tardiness will go unnoticed.