Cancer - April 2014 - Funny Horoscope

Bonsai is well starred for the first half of the month, but you will be unable to buy the small, dinky, cutting tools required. You will attempt to use standard sized scissors and be happy with the initial results, however a strange Feng Shui type thing is going on in the background which will lead to a higher than average breakage of drinking vessels and vases for the next 6 weeks.

A robust defense to any allegations of illiteracy from a teenager is necessary this week, especially if she is wearing a red cap.

Your nipples will benefit from the application of a soft toffee balm between 5th-19th as Uranus starts to inflate.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
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