15 March 2013
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Korean Konflict

Korea Fires High Tech Phone At USA - Seven Inches Of News™

Samsung Shimmy

New York: Hello, as you join me here in New York BOOM! I can confirm we've been hit. Yes, I repeat, we've been hit by the incoming Galaxy S4 from Korea's Samsung. It's difficult to tell if those in the room with me are throwing their arms up in the air due to the attack right now or trying to move the browser on the new phone with elaborate hand gestures, but more about that later.

The undercover Apple contingent, who had sneaked in in obviously too clean and ironed Android t-shirts, have now retired to the rest rooms, and this reporter has heard loud and lengthy vomiting sounds from outside the door.

Back in the main auditorium, it all felt like a weird other dimension Apple convention from 2004, with a smiling South Korean Steve Jobs holding phones and jabbering about cool stuff, but thankfully not saying fuck as this is a family newspaper.

"Call me JK, but, please, not right now as my hands are full. Thank you so much."
 JK Shin  at the launch of the Galaxy S4

Whilst I haven't had time to try it myself, because I am typing this to deadline, it does seem that you can control the browser on the S4 with gestures. They say you can turn the page with your eyes but I haven't actually seen anybody do that yet, but I have seen people wiping their hands theatrically in front and it seems to move the screen. Unfortunately the page just goes back again when people nearby clap their hands. There were also mixed results when using the S4 while eating at the buffet, with prawn and avocado finger rolls being particularly troublesome, a fact to which this reporter can sadly attest.

Now, back to the news desk for the remaining two inches of news...

Thanks, Bunny. Italy, and Pope Francis I, last night, took a public bus in his first major security breach since becoming Pope, Thursday. Earlier, Vatican hostel cleaners confirmed the new Pope didn't take the mini soaps and shampoos from his room when he checked out even though they are priced in to the price of the room. Humble man.

And finally, Technology News: Web browsers may stop recording your every click and saving it in a dossier about you, says insider.

"Your world as it breaks, 7 inches at a time."

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