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25 March 2013
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7 Inches Of News™: Presidential Limo Breaks Down, Towed, In Israel

Limo Lump

Israel: The fortified US presidential limonene, known as "The Beast", broke down earlier today during President Barack Obama's official trip to Israel and Palestine. The car had to be towed away. The president was not in it at the time.

It has not been confirmed what caused the breakdown, but speculation suggests that either diesel was put into the petrol tank, or it ran out of petrol.

US Presidential Limo - public domain image

Today in a 7 inches of news special, we have 4 inches of facts about The Beast:

  • It runs on petrol in the tank, not diesel
  • The highly trained driver is taught that the car needs petrol in the tank and not diesel
  • The highly trained driver is taught how to read the petrol gauge under extreme, stressful situations
  • The Beast has difficulty going over large bumps (as seen on a recent trip to Ireland)
  • The car is sealed for a chemical attack, but someone still has to stand outside it to put petrol into the tank, not diesel
  • Whilst the highly trained driver is trained to do a J turn in the limo, that only works in large wide open spaces so probably won't work anywhere outside the USA

In other news:

Cyprus: our reporter finally passes out after drinking in a Cyprus bar for five days without us going to him, more later

"Your world as it breaks, 7 inches at a time."

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