A spokesman for
Vice Presidential security has confirmed to this website that any attempt to fire
bird shot into the face of VP Dick Cheney would have:
"...probably
led to the person who fired being terminated in a hail of bullets and possibly
rockets, even if it was an accident by an elderly person".
Luckily
it was only Harry Whittington, 78, who was shot in the face by Dick Cheney this
Saturday during a quail shoot.
A
hunting expert at the scene told our reporter:
"Had
Whittington shot Cheney in the face, I don't fancy Whittington's chances much."
A
secret service spokesman told our reporter:
"Standard
procedure in the event of a person accidentally firing bird shot into the face
of the Vice President would be to break the 78 year-old's arms, legs, fingers,
chest and hips using the method of jumping on him, or 'bundling'.
That's what we are trained for. That is what we are paid to do."
"But
most probably we would have strafed him with machine gun fire and rockets until
he was dead."
Reports
are that Harry Whittington was returning with a quail he had shot when he surprised
Cheney.
Cheney
is reported to have turned in his direction and shot him in the face.
An
unarmed Dick Cheney has since been allowed to visit Whittington in hospital.
It
has since been discovered that Mr Whittington, reported as being a 'contributor'
to George Bush's campaign funds in 2000 and 2004, only actually gave $1000, and
$2000. This is an extremely small donation and would not normally have included
a shooting trip with the Vice President.
A
Republican Party donations expert told us:
"This
is a very small donation and may only have given the donator the minimum 'quail
pass' on any hunting trip. So basically he got what he paid for."
| In
other news: |
| A
report released today says the White House was a complete failure in it's response
to Hurricane Katrina. |
| Related
stories from theVoiceofReason.com |
Dick
Cheney, George
Bush, White
House |
